You never did learn to let the little things go

So it is official. I am now going into my third year at university. I can honestly say, I never thought I would make it here. I'm home now for summer in not so sunny Luton and I feel quite sad at the idea that I don't really have a life here any more. When I'm back I live out of my suitcase and I have to fit in seeing everyone before I'm whisked off again. Only the other night, My best friend and I headed out to one of our old favourite spots to find we were the oldest people there. Of course there were some of our friends, but the majority of people were strangers. What's strange is it seems to have only happened in the last year. I remember coming home during my first year and feeling like I'd never left. I feel now, like I have truly flown the nest and that I'm actually settled in Leeds, something again, I never thought I'd hear myself say. Although this is quite sad, I only have fond memories of growing up in Luton and was so distraught leaving that life when I left for uni. It's quite clear now who are our friends, and I'm pretty pleased with the crowd that have stuck together.

I wrote my name in your book

I've had some technical difficulties this week; which resulted in an £85 laptop repair bill. I was not best pleased. Its only been two week since my last blog but I can't explain the changes that have taken place. The feeling of relief is incredible. Things did have to get much worse before they got better, but they are better, a lot in fact. I realise now how I let all my fears for next year take over and ultimately held me back massively. These last two weeks have been so valuable to me, both in my personal life and my education. I can't believe I'm going into my final year of university, time flies so fast and it only feels like a few weeks ago my parents dropped me off into my halls. Here I am now, about to move into my second house and actually excited about going into the unknown next year. I feel terribly cliché about this all, but it was really the boost I've needed and I am really feeling good about what the future holds.
Its my last night in Leeds and I'm spending it in. Now don't start thinking that I'm boring and should be out celebrating, because I have for the past two weeks and I don't feel like I've stopped. I am very excited to have a lie in on Friday morning, although I know this wont happen because of the kitten. Seeing everyone again has been brilliant and we're definitely leaving our second year on a high. We took a trip to the Yorkshire Sculpture Park last Friday and I must admit I was very dubious. I will gladly eat my words and say I had one of the best days out. Who knew five hundred acres of land could turn a bunch of twenty plus students in to a group of five year olds for the day?

For the irony

Things seem to have taken a turn for the worse in these last two weeks. The worst part is, I don't even know why. I've never gone from such massive highs to all time lows, in such a small amount of time. It's really quite frightening to feel so out of control. I'm not in London any more and I miss it terribly. It's amazing the memories a smell can evoke. I arrived back to my house in Leeds for the first time in over a month, as I walked into my bedroom the hot woody smell instantly took me back ten months, to July. I'd just moved in and our house seemed like a sauna for the whole summer. It reminded me of waking up in this new room, eagerly awaiting my boyfriends arrival so I could show him our new house. It made me feel so sad to think about how much had changed in those ten months. For a brief second I wished I was back there, so I could do it all differently. Something strange has happened this year, this is starting to feel real and reality is really starting to loom over us. Responsibility has been very sneaky and crept up on us, with no warning or invitation. Fear is coming and the cracks are starting to show. I keep thinking to myself, how did it get like this? It's as though I went to bed in a fairy tale and have woken up in a nightmare. I am determined to beat this, though. I can't fall now so close to the end. It hadn't always been this hard and I will find that again.

It sounds like we would of had a great deal to say to each other

What a perfect week. With such glorious sunshine it seemed a waste to spend the days in doors and even more so being in east London with so much to do. All week my boyfriend and I have been roaming around in the sun and I have to say that it has been utter bliss. Walking up to Brick lane, round to Shoreditch, up to Hoxton and then over to Spitalfields before heading home. It seems we have done this route everyday and yet it never seems to bore me. We spent our days looking in vintage shops, convincing ourselves it was okay to spend nearly £70 on books, having over priced and highly alcoholic cocktails in Cargo before being ushered into a curry house on Brick lane for more wine and delicious food.
On Friday we decided to head up to London Fields with Joe's friends James and Ross. It seemed like the hottest day so far and I immediately regretted wearing tights. We stocked up on cider and set up in the park. Days like this are what summer is all about. We sat out with our drinks and soaked up the sun, I was hoping to turn a nice shade of brown but unfortunately only seemed to manage pink. London Fields is beautiful. I don't know if it was the sunshine or the amount of cider we had consumed on an empty stomach, but we had all fallen completely in love with the area. Its beautiful shops, trendy bars, its quint brick a bract stores and as for the houses over looking the park, it seemed like my ideal place to live. We headed over to a local fish and chip shop to get out of the midday sun and then next door to an amazing book shop. I'd seen a book on curating that I really wanted but didn't know if I could really afford to part £12's for. To my surprise, whilst we were sitting in a beer garden, my boyfriend presented me with said book after he'd gone back to the shop and asked the owner which book I'd been reading and bought it for me. I didn't think it was possible for me to love him more but this made my heart skip a beat slightly. Romantic? Most definitely.
On Sunday we were awoken before seven by the kitten, it seemed to have become the norm now and it wasn't so hard to bare any more. It was the first time in a week that we hadn't been greeted by the sunshine poking through the curtains, it was a gloomy rainy Sunday that not even a McDonald's breakfast could cure. Luckily for us, the rain cleared up pretty sharp and we were able to go up to Columbia Road as planned.

These past two weeks have been incredible, but I feel now as though I'm fast approaching the time when I have to join the real world again. One where I'm back in Leeds, where I never feel anything even remotely close to this. The fear that is building up inside me about going back is starting to feel unbearable. I can just tell this is going to be a hard month.

Make your own path

I've been particularly busy recently. I've finally made my way out from under a mountain of essays. I've been all over the place too, Luton, London, Sheffield and back to london again. My body has had its toll definitely taken. A whole day in bed didn't help me either. A night out in Luton was worth the hangover though.
It was my boyfriends birthday so before he got home I cleaned the flat and decorated him a cake. Both still feeling fragile, we decided against the champagne I'd bought to accompany the cake.
The best thing of all though, has to be the arrival of our new kitten, Rufus. After the cake we headed over to Hackney, where we knew there was a pet shop that sold kittens. We said we were only looking but it seemed impossible leaving the shop without one. We chose the only boy of a tabby litter and even though our banks had taken a beating, it was definitely worth it. He cried the whole tube ride home, which obviously broke my heart. He is the tiniest little thing that even the most cold hearted of people couldn't not love him.
He is getting into everything, which is keeping us on our toes. He sleeps in our bed and wakes us up constantly throughout the night. I feel as though we have just had a baby, staying up all night, making sure he's used his litter tray and wondering what he's doing when we leave him in the flat. But throughout all this, he is definitely the best thing to come into my life in a long time.

There's a spanner in the works you know

I can only describe the last week as utterly blissful. I have been in my own little bubble in Whitechapel, with leisurely uninterrupted days. I cant tell you enough how much I have fallen in love with East London over the last six months. Of course its always nice to have someone to share these days with so maybe I am bias. Red wine on Brick lane, sunny walks with ice cream round Spitalfields and midnight walks up Commercial Road, these are just some of the highlights of my week. I can honestly say I have never been happier and more in love.

I miss you

After going slightly stir crazy over the last few days, I decided to venture into town. Unfortunately "The Arndale" does not have much to offer and with next to nothing in my purse, I did not have high hopes. My brothers girlfriend works in a charity shop so I headed over hoping she had found some nice pieces. I was in luck, the rails were full of amazing jumpers and blouses. I could have bought it all, but unfortunately I really was that poor so decided to get two spring style jumpers. With my purse now empty but my bags full, I set off home to find our hairdresser was round. She tidied my messy locks up a treat. It was shaping up to be a good day.
I had no plans or money for the rest of the day. I was starting to feel agitated again. I didn't think I could take another night in. Luckily my dear friend Robin got in touch to save the evening. We roped Becky in on our plan. My evening suddenly went from average, bordering on bleak, to exciting times with old friends. I hadn't seen Becky since January and it had been nearly a year since I had seen Robin. I could not wait, it was the pick me up I was desperately needing. We met at "The Park" but sadly Robin had forgot his ID so we ended up at "The Horse Shoes". An old Irish bar, a favorite amongst alcoholics and the underaged. On a tight budget, we settled for very cheap rose and caught up on the university antics we had all got up to. After two bottles of wine we were nearly all out of money. Bearing this in mind, we decided to go to Antonio's party. We pit stopped at an off license to grab some Lambrini, this really was a budget evening.

The evening was all I could have wanted. An unexpected night out turned into an evening with lots of old and new friends, filled with nostalgia and summer plans. It's nights like this that truly make me grateful for the friends I have. I will always cherish the moments when Becky and I sit in my living room at 4:00 am discussing the evening events and the most likely prospect that Becky will have work in around four hours time. The head ache the next morning will always be worth it for moments like these.