For the irony

Things seem to have taken a turn for the worse in these last two weeks. The worst part is, I don't even know why. I've never gone from such massive highs to all time lows, in such a small amount of time. It's really quite frightening to feel so out of control. I'm not in London any more and I miss it terribly. It's amazing the memories a smell can evoke. I arrived back to my house in Leeds for the first time in over a month, as I walked into my bedroom the hot woody smell instantly took me back ten months, to July. I'd just moved in and our house seemed like a sauna for the whole summer. It reminded me of waking up in this new room, eagerly awaiting my boyfriends arrival so I could show him our new house. It made me feel so sad to think about how much had changed in those ten months. For a brief second I wished I was back there, so I could do it all differently. Something strange has happened this year, this is starting to feel real and reality is really starting to loom over us. Responsibility has been very sneaky and crept up on us, with no warning or invitation. Fear is coming and the cracks are starting to show. I keep thinking to myself, how did it get like this? It's as though I went to bed in a fairy tale and have woken up in a nightmare. I am determined to beat this, though. I can't fall now so close to the end. It hadn't always been this hard and I will find that again.