You never did learn to let the little things go

So it is official. I am now going into my third year at university. I can honestly say, I never thought I would make it here. I'm home now for summer in not so sunny Luton and I feel quite sad at the idea that I don't really have a life here any more. When I'm back I live out of my suitcase and I have to fit in seeing everyone before I'm whisked off again. Only the other night, My best friend and I headed out to one of our old favourite spots to find we were the oldest people there. Of course there were some of our friends, but the majority of people were strangers. What's strange is it seems to have only happened in the last year. I remember coming home during my first year and feeling like I'd never left. I feel now, like I have truly flown the nest and that I'm actually settled in Leeds, something again, I never thought I'd hear myself say. Although this is quite sad, I only have fond memories of growing up in Luton and was so distraught leaving that life when I left for uni. It's quite clear now who are our friends, and I'm pretty pleased with the crowd that have stuck together.

I wrote my name in your book

I've had some technical difficulties this week; which resulted in an £85 laptop repair bill. I was not best pleased. Its only been two week since my last blog but I can't explain the changes that have taken place. The feeling of relief is incredible. Things did have to get much worse before they got better, but they are better, a lot in fact. I realise now how I let all my fears for next year take over and ultimately held me back massively. These last two weeks have been so valuable to me, both in my personal life and my education. I can't believe I'm going into my final year of university, time flies so fast and it only feels like a few weeks ago my parents dropped me off into my halls. Here I am now, about to move into my second house and actually excited about going into the unknown next year. I feel terribly cliché about this all, but it was really the boost I've needed and I am really feeling good about what the future holds.
Its my last night in Leeds and I'm spending it in. Now don't start thinking that I'm boring and should be out celebrating, because I have for the past two weeks and I don't feel like I've stopped. I am very excited to have a lie in on Friday morning, although I know this wont happen because of the kitten. Seeing everyone again has been brilliant and we're definitely leaving our second year on a high. We took a trip to the Yorkshire Sculpture Park last Friday and I must admit I was very dubious. I will gladly eat my words and say I had one of the best days out. Who knew five hundred acres of land could turn a bunch of twenty plus students in to a group of five year olds for the day?

For the irony

Things seem to have taken a turn for the worse in these last two weeks. The worst part is, I don't even know why. I've never gone from such massive highs to all time lows, in such a small amount of time. It's really quite frightening to feel so out of control. I'm not in London any more and I miss it terribly. It's amazing the memories a smell can evoke. I arrived back to my house in Leeds for the first time in over a month, as I walked into my bedroom the hot woody smell instantly took me back ten months, to July. I'd just moved in and our house seemed like a sauna for the whole summer. It reminded me of waking up in this new room, eagerly awaiting my boyfriends arrival so I could show him our new house. It made me feel so sad to think about how much had changed in those ten months. For a brief second I wished I was back there, so I could do it all differently. Something strange has happened this year, this is starting to feel real and reality is really starting to loom over us. Responsibility has been very sneaky and crept up on us, with no warning or invitation. Fear is coming and the cracks are starting to show. I keep thinking to myself, how did it get like this? It's as though I went to bed in a fairy tale and have woken up in a nightmare. I am determined to beat this, though. I can't fall now so close to the end. It hadn't always been this hard and I will find that again.